Hello and welcome to the post that no one will read. Well, no one save you two there that use the RSS feeds. Yes, I see you there in my logs. What you don’t know is that I know your secret, yes I do. I know how your cabal is planning to take over the world with the help of the Knights Templar and boatloads of hyper-itchy wool. I see you there, knitting away, giggling about the inevitability of your rise to power. “Are you pondering what I’m pondering?” One of you will say. And the other one will respond, “I think so, Brain, but why would we want to knit underwater in sun-dresses?”. And the other one always responds, “I’m going to have to hurt you, Pinky.”. I’ve seen it, yes I have, and I know the truth…
Opps, sorry about that, I guess I forgot my Thorazine this morning. No worries, I’ve had some and I’m feeling muuuuuuuch better now.
Anyway, for those of you who don’t know me—and that would be pretty much, well, everyone—I’m Myria. I have posted here before, but not for a while. I’m not very mysterious, and thus would never make a good TMK… Errr, TMM—Albeit my initials are CMK (Myria is my middle name) for whatever that’s worth. I do lurk, though, mostly behind the scenes installing new stuff, updating software, doing database backups, and other necessary technical evils. I suppose I’m kinda a geek. I guess I have to be, given that I know the difference between PHP, RoR, and Python, and I’ve even written routines in two out of the three—sad, huh? But I say kinda a geek ‘cause, unlike most geeks I’ve known, I can pass your average Turing Test with relative ease. Chloe may have “teh ‘1337 hAx0r skillz”, but I’ve got a personality with a PH somewhere close to 7.0—know what I’m sayin’?
That, and I can cook. How many geeks do you know, Turing Test or no, who can cook?
Okay, so Alton Brown can cook, but he not only can’t pass a Turing Test, he’s the only person to ever actually fail the MMPI.
Yes, I did just make that up.
...Or did I?
Of course geeks are probably the only ones who are even going to know (or want to know) what a Turing Test is, and I just seemingly insulted them all. Just for the record, if you’re reading this and you know what a Turing Test is, I didn’t mean you with that whole crack about most geeks not being able to pass one, ‘kay?
...Or did I?
Bwahahahahahaha!
Opps, sorry, I was late for my ECT session, always makes me a little off the wall. But I’m feeling muuuuuuuch better now.
The occasionally amusing thing is that I’m about the most unlikeliest looking geek on the planet. On those rare occasions when I must utilize my geekhood, this can lead to massive confusion for common variety non-Turing Test passing geeks. Like a couple of months ago, when I needed to replace the CPU and motherboard in a desktop system. I go to a ‘puter store and walk up to the twenty-something guy behind the counter. “Do you have any Athlon 3000+s with the Barton core?” Asks I. “And a Socket-A motherboard to go with that, preferably something with the nForce2 chipset and at least two PATA and two SATA ports. Like maybe the MSI K7N2 Delta2, or something similar?” I stand there hopefully, and for about a femto-second I think I might get a useful response. But, no, it was not to be. I watch as his eyes glaze over from a massive mental stack overflow. I can almost see his brain throwing exception errors right and left and I wonder for a moment if he isn’t going to have a grand mal seizure. I have been cruel, I have presented him with an unresolvable paradox and his mind just can’t handle it. As we all know, no overdressed soccer-mom lookin’ bimbo could possibly know jack about computers, and yet I’ve just asked a computer question that he probably can’t even properly parse, let alone answer. I reach into my purse, searching for my cell phone ‘cause I figure I’m going to be calling 911 for sure, when suddenly he mumbles something that sounds like “Norman compute!” and then his eyes focus on me again. “Filenes is just up the road on the left, Ma’am,” says he. He smiles at me condescendingly. The memory of what I actually asked him seems to have been wiped from his mind by the trauma, thus resolving the paradox and returning order to his little geek world.
Thanks be to whatever powers that be for Newegg.
Of course the really bad part of all of that was that he called me “Ma’am”. I hate being called “Ma’am”, just grinds on my nerves. I remember the first time it happened. The Perp was some bottle-blonde mental midget wearing ugly-arse ‘trendy’ glasses and exuding a level of perk that could only have come from doing an eight ball or three in the very recent past. She was behind the deli counter at Shaws and when she asked if she could help me I didn’t know whether to tell her what I wanted or ask for an adult to help me instead. After some consideration, I decided on the former. She got my order together and handed it to me. “Is there anything else I can help you with, Ma’am?” She helpfully and oh-so-perkily asked.
“Ma’am”? The word rang out like the discordant gong of a cracked bell. What in the bloody Hades is with this “Ma’am” stuff? “Ma’am” is what you call old ladies, not…
Oh, crap.
Lemme tell ya’ something, kiddies, it’s all downhill from there.
For a moment a dozen different phrases to hurl at this kid—or, more accurately, to hurl at time itself, the bottle-blonde, after all, just being time’s proxy—ran through my mind. “You know Vanna White? Well she’s way, way older than I am and she’s still ten times better looking than you’ll ever be, so there!” Yeah, that would have both made sense and been real mature… Not. Not, mind you, that maturity is exactly my strong suit, but I eventually decided that taking out my displeasure with vagaries of time on this bottle-blonde would be pointless, especially as she’d probably forget everything once the eight balls wore off. There wasn’t really anything I could say, nothing she would get, anyway. I wouldn’t have gotten it at her age, and she won’t get it until she’s my age. Time is the fire in which we all burn, and I confess that I’m petty enough to look forward to the day when I’ll be there to cackle hysterically when that bottle-blonde, or someone just like her, first get called “Ma’am”.
...And here they said I’d never have any goals in life!
For any who are curious, Robbyn and her father made it down to Buenos Aires just fine. They took a bus trip through Rio de Janeiro on Monday, and will be arriving in Salvador today. Robbyn seems to be having a good time and, displaying what must be an inhuman level of self-control, she has apparently (at least to date) resisted the urge to push her father overboard—something I doubt I could resist doing (her father’s a nice old bird, but he drives me bloody freakin’ nuts after a couple of hours, let alone a couple of days).
Last Thursday’s Knitting Chatters went great and I’d like to thank Aarlene for guest hosting. She will be guest hosting again tomorrow at the usual time, I hope everyone will come by and stay for virtual tea and crumpets.
As for me, I’ll be there tomorrow night to assist with the technical side of things, and I’ll probably post here again next Wednesday… Or whenever else the notion strikes me.
Have fun, everyone!
Myria
No trackbacks yet.
I might be one of the two people who read the RSS feed. Maybe.
Huh, I thought so.
I would ask for a nice sinecure once you and your knitting compatriot(s) are ruling the world, but I plan to be safely ensconced as Empress of The Omniverse long before that point 
.
Or something like that, anyway 
.
Er. *looks guiltily at newsfeeder*
I don’t read through a feed, I direct link. And yet I read this post.
Ah, another conspirator heard from.
No reason to look at your feeds guiltily, Colleen, just come join us at the next meeting of Myria’s 12 Step Program for the RSS/Atom Addicted. With a little bit of counseling (and a whole lot of purse lightening) you’ll be feeling better in no time at all…
I dunno if I’d be admitting that openly like that, Kai, they might hear.
What do you mean, who they? They they! You know… They, them… THEY. Scary types, they are, totally whack, and when they get an RSS jones on, watch out.
Never admit you didn’t use an RSS feed when they are around, it’s just not safe.
Not sure what all I just read, but, I read it all, word for word. I think I’ll stick to knitting and let you stick with the computer geek stuff.
Glad Robyn and her Dad are enjoying themselves.
Talk to you Thursday.
Sheri
That’s okay, Sheri, I’m not even sure what I wrote. Like sanity and maturity, coherence is not my strong suit :)!
Hey there, I would be feed reader #2, or is that #3? Anyway, I died when I read your crack about Alton Brown. I had to “help administer” mmpi’s at work and my favorite thing to say was, “You failed!” No one got the joke. Self fulfilling prophecy?
LOL Howdy Myria! Big Sister is watching, eh? Thanks for the update.
After your description of yourself you’ve got me thinking that you are a superhero. You know, apparently mild mannered Myria but in reality SuperGeek! Tee hee
Hope the cats, the gerbils and the neighbors are all behaving themselves.
See all y’all tomorrow!!
OMIGOD - I can read this through an RSS feed? I’m so used to using my link...I’m ...well...flabbergasted. Can I join the conspiracy now? Do I get a decoder ring? (I don’t have to KNIT one, do I?)
Sadly, Laura, it didn’t even occur to me that the Alton Brown joke depending on people knowing what the MMPI is—I should have given a link.
Of course it also depends on knowing who Alton Brown is, but I’m betting a lot more people know who Alton Brown is than know what the MMPI is.
Anyway, I can imagine some of the looks you got Would have cracked me up. But then the MMPI cracks me up, too, so what do I know?
Howdy Aarlene :)!
SuperGeek? Nah, among true geeks my geek-fu barely reaches brown belt status. It’s just that I wear something other than ripped t-shirts and old jeans (in point of fact, I own no jeans nor ripped t-shirts) that confuses them. All of which, of course, was the plan when my alien race sent me to this planet…
Opps… I shouldn’t have mentioned that. Would you look into this light for a sec, please?
See ya’ tonight…
I’m sure the conspirators will be with you shortly, Bron. I don’t know for sure, but I think you can either knit or crochet your decoder ring. They were going to add cross stitch to the list, but were afraid of what sorts of people that might attract…
Ohhhhhhh Myria....thanks for a great chuckle today. See you this evening.
You’re quite welcome, Maureen. See you tonight… Assuming they don’t get to me first, of course.
You can be darn sure *I* read the entry! Ma’am. (Wink, wink.)
-Ryan
Well of course you’d read the entry, Ryan, your participation in the conspiracy was a given. As for that “Ma’am” crack, I have only one word for you—Grrrrrr!
Okay, so it’s not a word, so sue me 
Bwahahahaha!
